Chapter 31: This is getting addictive

"Timon" didn't call on my drive up, but he did start sending me text messages the next day. He was sweet and flirtatious, knowing that I was spending time with my extended family for our annual reunion. I thought it was rather charming the way he was keeping in contact, not wanting to intrude, but letting me know that he was thinking about me. We ended up on the phone a few times, and I discovered that his job was going to have him traveling during the week for the next three weeks, but he would be home on the weekends. Unfortunately, I was traveling on the weekends. It looked as if we'd have to just chat on the phone for about the next two weeks or so before we'd actually be in the same city at the same time.

And then I discovered that I had a free high-speed internet connection at my hotel. I couldn't stay away. When the day was done and it was time to drift off to bed, out came the laptop, and I logged onto Match.com to see who'd been looking at me, winking at me, or if I had any messages. And, wouldn't you know? A hot white-collared guy sent me a message. "Kawena" was a clean-cut, all-American white boy in real estate, and wanted to see what I was about. Hmmmm... OKAY!

And there was a second message, from "Basil": A tall, blue-collared business owner with smashing blue eyes. And writing them both back didn't seem wrong. After all, you don't just send your resume to one company at a time, right? You sent out several dozen and wait to see who calls back. "Kawena" and I graduated immediately to instant messenger, while "Basil" and I stayed on email. "Kawena" knew I was in Pennsylvania, and he promised to call me on Monday to keep me company on my long drive home.

I felt pretty popular on my ride home. I got calls from "Timon", "Kawena" and even heard from "Aladdin". I was only going to be home for three days and I had dates lined up almost back to back! I was meeting "Basil" for lunch on Tuesday, "Kawena" for dinner on Wednesday, and "Timon" was coming into the airport on Friday about an hour before my flight out to Chicago. We planned to rendezvous at the airport.

What was I doing? All of a sudden I had four different men contacting me. And you know what? I was going to have fun with it.

Chapter 30: I admit, I like the attention

So "Shrek" was officially out of the picture, and it was obvious "Aladdin" wasn't going to be available for some time. I wasn't exactly the most available person, either, as I was driving to Pennsylvania the coming weekend, home for three days and then flying to Chicago the following weekend. But I admit it: I liked the attention that I was getting online. Why should I have to spend the next two weeks alone? I looked over some of the contacts I'd gotten recently and one caught my eye. "Timon" was blonde, cute, and very new to town. Why hadn't I responded to him when he first contacted me? Probably because I was already being torn in too many directions. Well, it had only been a little over a week - Maybe he was still interested?

So I wrote "Timon" a note and apologized for it taking so long to get back to him. He responded and I was pleased to find out that he was definitely still interested. Being so new to town, he really hadn't had the opportunity to meet many people yet. We went ahead and moved to Instant Messenger and started chatting. He was a really interesting guy. A fresh transplant from New York and worked in the emergency medical field. No, he wasn't a doctor, but he had a lot of interesting stories to share. Unlike some people who go on and on about their jobs, his stories were really captivating. It didn't take long to progress to the phone.

What was I doing? I knew exactly what I was doing, but I wasn't completely proud of myself for it. "Aladdin" wasn't exactly waiting in the wings for me and I didn't want to wait around for him, either. Up to this point I had, for the most part, concentrated on one person at a time, even if I was communicating with others simultaneously. I didn't want drama, I didn't want commitments, I just wanted to meet people and have fun. Should I tell "Timon" this up front? I decided that it was better to get a feel for the kind of person he is before I went there.

So it was the night before I was driving to Pennsylvania. I had decided to burn several audiobooks to CD for the drive back, as my mother was staying the night over that night and driving up with me the next day. It was rather boring and tedious work, and I called "Timon" to chat. He knew I was leaving town the next day and started implying that he'd like to see me before I left. Well, it was already late, and I still had a lot of CDs to burn. I couldn't go out, and wasn't it a little late to be getting together? No, he insisted, he was just as much of a night owl as I was.

I mentioned that I was going to run out of CDs and have to run up to the 24 hr. Wal-Mart and buy some more. "Timon" offered to give me some blank CDs he had that he wasn't going to use. Uh, wait a minute? The Wal-Mart was just up the road from me, and he lived 20 miles away - he wanted to drive all the way over here to avoid me having to run to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night? Having some company while I burned all these CDs was certainly an attractive prospect to me. And my mom WAS sleeping in the room down the hall. What the hell? I invited him over. He saved lives for a living, how dangerous could he be?

For a while, we just sat at my computer and talked, keeping our voices low so as not to wake up Mom. It sort of felt like we were in high school again, sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night. At one point, I noticed that he was leaning far over while he was talking, and I looked him square in the eyes and said, "You really want to kiss me right now, don't you?" He said he was thinking about it. So I kissed him. And he was sweet and gentle, and our kissing eventually found ourselves entangled on the floor. Instinct took over and I didn't even feel like trying to argue with my morals. I tip-toed down the hall to my bedroom to get a condom, and tip-toed back, closing and locking the door. There was a fun and dangerous quality about what we were doing, with my mother sleeping in the guest room, and it was fun. It WAS like high school, with the door locked, having to keep quiet, and trying to avoid the rug burns. The urgency and the fear of being caught was exciting, and exhilarating, and it made the sex a lot of fun.

Mom actually DID wake up (fortunately!) after we were finished and I was back to burning CDs. She was a little tickled over the fact that "Timon" was there, as we had been on the phone when she had gone to bed. It was some ridiculous hour when "Timon" finally went home. He knew that I'd be on the road all day, which was a Thursday, and would be on the road all day driving home that Monday. We'll see if he calls... Anyone care to take any bets?

Chapter 29: Well, that was easy...

"Aladdin" called the next day. Points for "Aladdin"! (Remember that "day after" phone call, guys. You don't realize how much that says to us, about you, your character, morales, upbringing, and more!) We both knew that we met at a rather inconvenient time, as he was going to be traveling for work for the next several weeks and I was going on two trips over the next two weekends. But we vowed to keep in touch and hopefully be able to sync up our schedules some time within the next three weeks or so. I liked that; that we had established that up front. Now I could go the next three weeks and not hear a word from him, and I wouldn't think twice about it! No obsessive internet-stalking sessions wondering if he's home, will he call, why is he signing onto Match but not saying anything to me? (Internet-stalking is one of my favorite pasttimes, by the way...) No, I could relax. "Aladdin" said it would be three weeks, and I figure I'd give my brain a good month before I started obsessing over it.

And when I got home that night, I called "Shrek" to check in on how he was feeling. He was doing better, although not quite ready to go back to work. Again, I asked him if he needed anything, or wanted me to come over. Again, he said he just wanted to be alone. So I jokingly asked him if he was going to miss me since I'd be away for the next two weekends in a row.

Considering I was attempting to stay light and breezy with him, this elicited a response that got him very serious very quick. He began stuttering and hesitating, trying to find the words to say. Finally he expressed that he was concerned - concerned that I was more "into" this relationship than he was. Apparently I had attempted to be too close to him by offering to care for him while he was laid up. And the fact that I asked him if he was going to "miss" me while I was away. And my aggressiveness that night that I had tried to be intimate with him.

I'll admit, I was a little dumbfounded while "Shrek" was going on about this. Was he serious? My attempts to be caring and nurturing with him led him to believe that I was falling for him? Part of me wanted to shoot back at him the fact that if I was so "into" him, then why did I have sex with another man last night? But I didn't. I let him fumble his way through his break-up speech, and at the end, he asked me what I thought.

I said, "Actually, I've been wrestling with the very same thoughts, because I thought YOU were more into ME."

"Oh," he said, "Well, then - I guess I was wrong." I could hear the dismay in his voice, a strange combination of surprise, bewilderment, and relief all at the same time. We agreed that we'd be better off friends, promised that we'd still talk from time to time, and wished each other luck in finding love.

This break-up thing might be getting easier with time, you think?

Lesson Number Fifteen: It doesn't have to be a drama-filled struggle! You CAN walk away calm cool and collected, without hurt, rage, and dignity still intact.

Status: WANT to learn immediately!!!

Chapter 28: Fourth of July Fireworks

I woke up and immediately began rifling through my clothes, trying to find just the perfect outfit to wear to lunch to meet "Aladdin". I wanted it to be casual, but nice; sexy, but not trashy; confident, but not too revealing. I wanted to convey that I was indeed the same person that had spent five hours on the phone with him the day before. I wanted him to see that I was indeed an open-minded and adventurous woman, but still maintain some class and decorum.

I settled on a summery mini-dress, black with big white retro-looking flowers on it, and summery sandals. My make-up looked great, I was having a good hair day and I got in my car and drove down to Buckhead, feeling confident and giddy. We met at "The Tavern", and his pictures did not deceive his good looks or his boyish charm. He had a shy quality about him that conveyed that it would take very little scratching at the surface to unleash his wild side. And it was drawing me in by the minute.

We had a few too many drinks at lunch, and decided to walk it off by walking around the outside of Phipps Plaza for a while. Neither one of us wanted to finish the date, but "Aladdin" said he wasn't quite able to drive yet, so I offered to take him to a bar near my house that has a couple of pool tables. Which is exactly what we did. I think we got through one game, but by the second game, we kept pausing to talk, flirt, laugh, and, yes, kiss. He was an amazing kisser. And so sexy.

And here I was, in my mental torment again. My "id" (for those of you who know Freud's work) wanted to take him home. My "SuperEgo" said to wait. It was too soon, it wasn't proper, the connection would be ruined if you give in to your inner desires so soon. He wanted it too, (let's just say I could "feel" it) and I knew he wouldn't turn me down if I offered. What should I do? I wanted to give in to my desires and say, "Screw what's 'proper'!"

I gave in. "Aladdin" was amazing. He was an expert when it came to a woman's body. He knew exactly what buttons to push and how. He kept my body in involuntary jerks and convulsions until I was cross-eyed. Exhausted and spent, we fell asleep in each other's arms.

It was about 10:00 when we woke up, and agreed that he needed to get back to his car and get home. We hoped that the Lenox Mall fireworks' display traffic would be gone, and set out to Buckhead. We were wrong. Lenox area was a zoo. It took us forever to get to the parking garage where his car was, and I felt his tension mounting with each passing minute. I tried to joke around, make the best of a bad situation, but it was obvious that traffic was a push button issue with him and he didn't even want to loosen up.

When we FINALLY reached the parking garage under Phipps, it was closed off. How could he get his car?!? He jumped out of the car and called out to the attendant that his car was inside. The attendant motioned him in, and he started to take off, but then paused, turned around to me, motioned that he'd call, and I waved back, and kept going, so as not to hold up traffic. I couldn't help but wonder, as I drove home, if I'd ever hear from him again.

To add insult to injury, I checked my voice mail on the way home. "Shrek" had called just to wish me a "Happy Fourth of July", and said that he was sure I was somewhere, watching fireworks and having a good time, but not to bother calling back as he was going to pop a few pain pills and crash early. Can you rub a little salt into that wound, please?

This, however, wasn't enough to ruin my "after glow" on the way home...

Chapter 27: Three-Day Weekend

So, a three-day weekend was looming ahead, Fourth of July weekend. Mom was planning a BBQ at her place, and was really ancy about my brother and me being there, because her boyfriend's family was going to be there, too. They'd been dating for over a year, and our families had yet to meet. There was no backing out of this one!

It never fails, though, that family gatherings are always a "couple" fest. I didn't want to be the only solo there, and with all the men I'd been meeting, why did I have to be? "Shrek" was obviously the one I'd been seeing the most of, and the one I'd been connected to the furthest, so he seemed the logical choice. I know I'd been having reservations about him, and I know I was questioning his absolute nature when it came to love and relationships, but maybe taking things to the next level with him would help facilitate our connection into something he could grasp onto? After all, meeting the family is always a big step, right?

So "Shrek" and I made plans to go to Mom's house on Sunday for a BBQ. However, the day before, he calls me up, sounding completely spacey. I immediately sensed that something was wrong, so I was instantly concerned. He told me that he'd spent most of the morning at the hospital because he did something to his back and was laid up and on a lot of pain medication. And, as a result, knew that he would have to cancel on coming to Mom's for the BBQ the next day.

Well, it was obvious in his voice that he was in a lot of pain, so I was genuinely concerned about him, and made sure that there was nothing I could do. Could I come over and bring him something to eat? Did he need someone to be there for anything? No, no, no... He just wanted to be alone and sleep it off. Then after I got off the phone, it occurred to me that TWICE in the last MONTH, I'd been cancelled on due to back injuries. (Remember "Goofy's" excuse? See Chapter 22: "Oh yeah, SERIOUS Dé Ja Vu") Was this the new excuse of the year, or was this a giant sign that I was indeed getting older, and back problems are simply something I would have to deal with now that I was dating men in their mid- to late-30's? Regardless, I left "Shrek" to his own devices and resolved to go to the cookout alone.

The next day, I was puttering around the house, killing time until I needed to go to Mom's. The phone rang and it was "Aladdin". "Aladdin" was someone I'd been passing emails back and forth with for a couple of weeks. I'd contacted him, initially. He was really cute, and had caught my eye on Match some time back. He had a logical approach to life, and seemed straight forward and upfront. Since "Tramp", this had become a VERY attractive quality to me. "Aladdin" and I started talking, and, this being our first phone call, we had plenty to say. Our conversation began probing all aspects of each other's lives. He told me a lot about his past, which had a few skeletons, and then professed in amazement that he couldn't believe that he'd told me all of it. But, as he was quick to point out, I was so easy to talk to, and seemed understanding on just about anything.

Before I knew it, I looked at the clock and we'd been on the phone for FIVE HOURS! Even "Tramp" and I had never gone on for that long! I was elated! We made plans to have lunch the next day, Monday, the 4th of July, knowing we'd both be off of work and would have lots to time to spend together if we chose to do so.

Did I feel a pang of guilt toward "Shrek" for making a date with yet another man? Maybe a little, but I couldn't deny this connection I'd felt with "Aladdin" right off the bat. I went to the BBQ and never gave a thought to the fact that I was there solo. All I could think about was my lunch with "Aladdin" tomorrow.

Chapter 26: Wandering Eyes

"Shrek" was obviously not giving me all I needed or wanted in a relationship. Sure, he was being a gentleman, but it all goes back to my complaint about how men go to extremes. Either they want to get busy on the first date, or they want to wait until we're all "serious and in love"... Blah, blah, gag, gag, barf, barf. :-P For me, there are shades of grey in almost every situation. Always going to extremes takes too much work.

My point is that I wasn't getting my needs met, emotionally or physically, from "Shrek," so when I was contacted by "Mowgli" on Match, I was intrigued. He didn't have a picture up, but he sent me one via email. He was pretty cute. We'd just been talking by Instant Messenger and emails for a few days, and he was really charming. He had just the right amount of flirty, humorous, and intelligence that really charmed me.

He told me one night that he had to pick his brother up at the airport later that evening, and he'd love to have a quick drink with me before he had to drive down there. I didn't have plans, so I agreed. I knew it would devastate "Shrek" if he knew I was meeting another man, considering how adamant he was about only seeing one person at a time, but it seemed innocent enough. "Mowgli" made it very clear that he just wanted to meet. A quick drink before he had to go to the airport. It wasn't really a date, just a "Happy Hour" kind of thing.

We met, and "Mowgli" was great! He was charming, funny, successful, really had his act together, and, above all, he seemed really taken with me. He told me how beautiful I was many times, but didn't overdo it. He liked listening to me talk, and laughed at my jokes. He was good looking, too. He was tall, which totally turns me on, well groomed, and built. He wasn't a hard body, but he had bulk in all the right places. I was quickly realizing that this guy not only would be able to give me what I wanted in a relationship, but he was more than ready and willing to do so.

So in our conversations, he mentioned his kids. He had three. Hmmm... Three kids is a lot of kids, but I get along with kids pretty okay. So I asked him how long he'd been divorced. (Considering the rebound disaster I'd had with "Tramp", I was cautious.) His answer was the last thing I expected:

"Oh... Uhhh... didn't you notice on my Match profile that it said 'Separated'?"
"Ummmm... no... actually I didn't."

DAMMIT! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! All the weirdos and whackjobs that I'd met, and the first guy I meet who is good-looking, funny, charming, intelligent, successful, and VERY into me... But, oh, wait... He's still MARRIED!?!?! I just can't win...

Lesson Number Fourteen: Pay attention to detail!

Status: Still learning

Chapter 25: Time to take the top off the cookie jar!

Alright, I wanted some action. I didn't want to analyze my feelings, or over-define my relationship with "Shrek". I wasn't falling for him, and, honestly, didn't think that I would. But we had a good time together and I was attracted to him. It would have been easy for me to start weighing the pros and cons. He was a very committed person, so I was probably asking for more than I wanted if I took our relationship to the next level. But I was tired of tying myself into knots over these men. Girl! Just be selfish for once! Act like they do! HA!

So I came home from work, called him, and invited him over. No plans, no dinner, just come over, keep me company, have a few drinks, and see where things might go. After all, he'd let me call the shots all the other times. It was I who decided when to talk on the phone, it was I who opened the door to start dating, and it was I who initiated some pretty groovy kissing sessions.

So he came over. I fixed us some drinks, put on some background music and we commenced with some idle chit-chat. It didn't take long before I made my way over to his lap and started putting on the moves. And wouldn't you know? No matter how hard I tried, he would not take the bait. Not at ALL! Wouldn't even let me run my hands up underneath his shirt. And he damn sure wasn't going to put his hands up mine. So after all that, all I got was another groovy kissing session.

This was probably shaping up to be a bad idea, "Shrek" and me. I wanted to take things casually and have fun, and he took everything so damn seriously and absolute. Well, give it a little more time - after all, relationships are all about compromise, and maybe, sooner or later, "Shrek" and I would find some common ground.

Time to take a cold shower and hit the sack...

Chapter 24: Still playing it safe

"Shrek" asked me out again, and we made plans to have dinner and a few drinks at this little Mexican joint I like to hang out at. He came and picked me up and we did just that. Nothing particularly notable, it was a nice dinner and we talked a lot and laughed. As always seems to happen, we started diving a little further into each other's histories. He had a fairly cynical approach on life. Most of the time it was humorous, but occasionally it was a little over-dramatic and exaggerated. He sort of had that tendency to be a bit over-self-righteous about things. But I could overlook that, right?

We came back to my house, and I thought I might get a little "smooching" action going on. :) And smooch we did. And that's ALL we did. Again, no matter how many green lights I gave him, he wouldn't even let his hands wander. As a matter of fact, it became obvious that he was painfully taking great care not to even ACCIDENTALLY let his hand wander to my butt or my chest. Which, in turn, made me self-conscious about letting MY hands wander. One of my best techniques when kissing is the "well-placed wandering hand," you know? This was cramping my style!

Well, that's okay... Even though we'd been talking and flirting for some six weeks online, this WAS only our second date. Waiting... What a novel concept!

Chapter 23: Too Committed?

So "Shrek" and I had been talking online for probably about six weeks at this point. I had purposely kept this one at arm's length for a couple of reasons. One, between what happened with "Tramp" and then my recent stint with "Goofy", I was on enough of an emotional roller coaster that I didn't think I could handle another one. Two, I had been juggling enough of these boys, that I just didn't want to add any more drama to the mix. And three, "Shrek" had made it plainly clear, over and over, that he did not fool around with love. He was a hopeless romantic, one-woman man, and that's the way it was. It wasn't fair to me or him to even attempt to be anything more than friends with him until I was ready.

However, now I was thinking about it. I came to look forward to our talks online, and I offered to talk on the phone one night. I asked him why he had never asked for my phone number, and he said that it was because I told him I'd wanted to talk online for a while. Okay, not bad, he was going to let me call the shots. Allow me to progress at whatever pace I saw fit.

He wanted to take me to see "Episode III: Revenge of the Sith". Normally, I shy away from someone who suggests taking me to see a movie on a first date. After all, purposely planning a date that includes a lengthy activity where you can't talk to or see each other does not scream out to me, "Yes, I want to get to know you!" But considering we'd been talking for quite some time, it was okay.

We went out to dinner, and had a few drinks. He was unhappy about his job and had suspicions that he was about to get laid off, so that was the primary topic of conversation. I understood, though. After all, work-drama can tend to take its toll on one's mental health! Afterward, we had some time to kill before the movie started, so we walked around the shopping center a while. He asked if he could hold my hand, and I thought that was sweet. I couldn't remember the last time I'd walked around anywhere just holding hands.

He held my hand all through the movie, and then drove me home. I invited him in and we just sat and talked for a while. I asked him if he wanted the "grand tour" of my house, and he gave me this little hesitant laugh and said "I don't think so." This threw me off. Did he actually think that I was inviting him to bed just because I offered to show him the upstairs? Whatever, I let it slide. When I walked him out to his car, he asked if he could kiss me. That was a little much... Asking permission? Sort of takes all the spontaneity and romance out of it, doesn't it? I know he said he doesn't fool around with love, but a little spontaneity never hurt anyone, did it? Or, maybe this was just his way of being a gentleman? S'alright, we were just getting to know each other after all, right? We shared a few kisses, and he didn't even let his hands wander.

Okay, what was happening here? Was this what it was SUPPOSED to be? All proper and cautious? Or had I just been dicked around so much that being treated properly caused me to get paranoid? That's cool, let's see where this takes me.

Chapter 22: Oh Yeah, SERIOUS Dé Ja Vu

So "Goofy" did not call the next day (Thursday). I thought that was a bit tacky. After all, the "day after" phone call really ought to be a requirement, regardless of where the relationship, or lack thereof, is or isn't going. It's just a sign of respect, I think. But I didn't fret over it too terribly much. After all, we had the date planned for the next day, so maybe he thought that the "day after" phone call was null-and-void in this situation.

The plan was that he was going to call and give me directions to his place so I could come over straight from the office, and we would go out to dinner. I waited all day at work, obsessing over why the phone had not yet rung. I gave in at 4:00 and called him to get directions. I got his voice mail and left a cutesy message asking if I needed to telepathically figure out where he lived. I wonder, of course, if the message came across as breezy as I intended it to, because inside I was fuming. At 6:00, I tried again, and again got his voice mail. I didn't leave a message that time, because I knew I couldn't even fake not being pissed off. To add insult to injury, I could see that he had been signed into Match.com several times that day, so I knew he was around.

At 6:30, I was furious. So I sent him a nasty email expressing exactly how uncool it was for him to do this. Aren't we supposed to be adults? If he didn't want to go out, why couldn't he have AT LEAST sent me an email to cancel? Why stand me up like that? I drove home, completely amazed that men still do this well into their 30's.

When I got home, there was, in fact, a message waiting for me on my home voice mail from him. He had called that afternoon to tell me that he threw his back out and had to cancel. My first reaction was that I had reacted too quickly. But, no, wait - He KNEW that I was coming from work. Why make me drive all the way home before I find this out? He had my work number, my cell number, and my email. There was no reason for him to call my house and leave a message there. In short, the only reason for him to do that is because he wanted to avoid talking to me.

I went to the computer and saw that he had, in fact, received my email already AND responded to it. He accused me of not caring that he was in a lot of pain, and that, if I had bothered to check my messages, I would know that he had not stood me up. I wrote him back and tried to explain why I was so upset, but he refused to respond. I sent another email over the weekend in an attempt to get him to talk and try to smooth it over, but he apparently didn't want any part of it. Great, now I have a cop in the city I work in to avoid. Although, the fun part of this was that he would probably go further out of his way to avoid me. :-P

Lesson Number Thirteen: Don't overreact, don't let your emotions run away with you.

Refer to Lesson Number Two: Don’t invest too much emotional stock in one person too quickly. It takes up a lot of your time and energy, and closes you off to other opportunities that might arise.

Status: Probably will never learn

Chapter 21: Dé Ja Vu?

And who should I start chatting with again but "Goofy" the cop? His out-of-state job offer was still up in the air, but he was more pacified with the situation, knowing that it might take up to a year to fall in place. Initially, we were just Instant Messaging, and he asked if I really wanted to get involved with a guy who might be moving away? Since it might take a year, I told him that it would really suck if we really hit if off, but what was the harm in having fun in the meantime? This seemed to open him up a little to be more flirty and wanting to spend some time with me.

It was a Tuesday, I believe, when we were discussing this, and we planned a date for that Friday. The next night we were Instant Messaging again, and we got a little flirty, which turned into frisky... (Have I no control?) And he started asking whether or not he could come over that night. I playfully asked if I let him come over, would I still get the date on Friday? He enthusiastically said "Absolutely!" I hesitated some more, but I knew I wanted him to. Did I give in? Of course I did.

When he arrived, he got shy. It was kind of cute, actually - This 6' 5" police officer being shy... We talked and gabbed, and didn't even approach the reason why he came over. Finally I confronted him about being so shy. He said that he always gets shy around women, which is why he is attracted to aggressive women that make the first move. NEON SIGN: Open door! And I walked through.

He was actually a much more gentle lover than I had expected him to be. He had passion and expertise in his touch. Afterward, with the usual post-bliss talking and laughing, he just kept running his hands down my body and over my hips. It was sweet and affectionate. It made me feel like he really was there for more than just the sex.

We planned out our date on Friday. I was to go to straight to his place when I got off work about 7:00, because he lived rather close to my office. And then we'd go out to dinner from there. When I walked him out, we were laughing, hugging, kissing, and we said good-bye. He said he'd talk to me tomorrow and see me on Friday. I was already looking forward to it.

Chapter 20: Adult Much?

So I got winked at by this Freddie Prinze Jr. look-a-like on Match.com. We'll call him "Simba". I don't usually respond to winks on Match, but who wouldn't want to meet someone that looks like Freddie Prinze?

We played e-mail tag for a while, and couldn't seem to sync up. But we finally got to the "exchange phone numbers" phase. Now, "Simba" certainly was no "Manny" on this first phone call, but he certainly had no qualms about laying it all on the line.

He was 33 years old, and still lived with his parents. Now, there are many instances when I can see where living with your parents might be warranted:

Had he just moved to town and was staying there while he diligently looked for a place to live? No.

Had he just been through a divorce and let his ex-wife keep the residence? No.

Had he lost a job and was having trouble getting back on his feet? No.

Did he have a couple of kids he was paying an astronomical amount of child support for? No.

The fact was that he was 33 years old and in college. Was he in graduate school getting a higher education? Wrong again, honey. He was living with his parents because he spent the majority of his 20's partying. Never went to college like the rest of us did, and when he hit 30 he decided that the party lifestyle was over and it was time to get his life on track and go to college and think about a career. And what easier way to do that than to continue living at home until it was "safe" to venture out on his own?

Now, I will say that his decision to put his life on track was an excellent decision. And a responsible one. But for me, at 31 years old, with an ex-husband and a stable career, I was really looking for someone who ALREADY had their life on track. Not someone who was still searching for the right track to follow. I realize that this is a rather snobby position to take. Who was I to pass judgement on someone who had made the conscious decision to better their own life? So what if he didn't come to that decision at the same time I did? My ex-husband had this problem, not really had ever grown up, or decided where he wanted his life to go, and it was a huge obstacle in our marriage. So, as you can imagine, there were LOTS of foghorns going off in my head. And yeah, this was my baggage, not his, but I just wasn't going there. Not again.

Well, we talked a couple of times, and he never asked me out. Just as well, I didn't really WANT to have to turn him down. But damn, he was cute. Oh, well, onward and upward, matey!

Lesson Number Twelve: Don't fall for a pretty face.

Status: I think I learned this one while I was still married... He had a VERY pretty face!