Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Chapter 11: Redirection
So "Goofy" was really distracting my thoughts away from "Tramp". Since he was on the Force in the same city I worked in, I found myself scoping the streets everyday on my way in, or at lunch, or even on my way home if I got off early enough. I would see him most mornings, in that sexy uniform, on the side of the road having pulled someone over. (He wasn't a very forgiving cop.) Once or twice we saw each other on the road, or stopped at a red light next to each other and exchange some flirty smiles and chat.
A couple of phone calls later, but no second date. I'll admit, I tried prompting him to tell me if he wanted to see me again. He proceeded to tell me that he'd had a lot on his mind and admitted that he'd been offered a job opportunity in another city in another state VERY far away. He was sincere, and I believed him. While this wasn't an official "kiss-off" conversation, it was easy for me to read between the lines. It made me feel a little easier about letting it go knowing that his main reason for not pursuing me was that he didn't want to get tangled up in a love affair if he knew he was moving. At least, that's what I told myself.
Now that I was officially able to let "Goofy" go, it didn't take long before my thoughts wandered over to "Tramp" again. It occurred to me that I was probably attracted to "Goofy" because he took my mind off "Tramp", but then it also occurred to me that I was able to let Goofy go so easily because I had some closure with him. And I hate having to say that. It is the cheesiest girl-thing out there... this whole craze about "closure". Sometimes I just want to slap MYSELF upside the head and scream, "HEY, BOZO! NO ANSWER *IS* YOUR ANSWER!" But no, my irrationale kicks in and has to "hear" the words, hear the rejection, feel the finality of it. Not knowing or understanding why “Tramp” disappeared like he did was still consuming me from the inside out. The only thing that was going to help was to put some serious distance between me and the “Tramp.”
Hence I began a "First Date Feeding Frenzy."
Go back and read Lesson Number Six: Don't obsess. Move on.
Status: Still Oblivious
A couple of phone calls later, but no second date. I'll admit, I tried prompting him to tell me if he wanted to see me again. He proceeded to tell me that he'd had a lot on his mind and admitted that he'd been offered a job opportunity in another city in another state VERY far away. He was sincere, and I believed him. While this wasn't an official "kiss-off" conversation, it was easy for me to read between the lines. It made me feel a little easier about letting it go knowing that his main reason for not pursuing me was that he didn't want to get tangled up in a love affair if he knew he was moving. At least, that's what I told myself.
Now that I was officially able to let "Goofy" go, it didn't take long before my thoughts wandered over to "Tramp" again. It occurred to me that I was probably attracted to "Goofy" because he took my mind off "Tramp", but then it also occurred to me that I was able to let Goofy go so easily because I had some closure with him. And I hate having to say that. It is the cheesiest girl-thing out there... this whole craze about "closure". Sometimes I just want to slap MYSELF upside the head and scream, "HEY, BOZO! NO ANSWER *IS* YOUR ANSWER!" But no, my irrationale kicks in and has to "hear" the words, hear the rejection, feel the finality of it. Not knowing or understanding why “Tramp” disappeared like he did was still consuming me from the inside out. The only thing that was going to help was to put some serious distance between me and the “Tramp.”
Hence I began a "First Date Feeding Frenzy."
Go back and read Lesson Number Six: Don't obsess. Move on.
Status: Still Oblivious
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